By Tiya Miles 1. Last holiday season gave me plenty of food for thought on this all too familiar and often uncomfortable racially-tinged question. One of my male relatives brought home a date for Thanksgiving who could have been Barbie’s twin sister. She was blonde, thin, big-bosomed, and even had a Germanic name. She was probably very nice; but I cannot say for sure. She was shy and didn’t talk much in what was likely an unfamiliar and perhaps overwhelming African American social setting. Another of my male relatives brought home a woman for Christmas who seemed like a modern-day, socially progressive southern belle. She was blonde, full figured, outgoing, and outspoken with a saucy southern accent and friendly, expressive manner. Two of my younger male relatives have recently been engaged to white women, and one tied the knot last summer. This is a pattern that I have observed in my professional life for years:
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Though she was not charged with any crime, police handcuffed the actress last week. But her boyfriend, celebrity chef Brian Lucas, who was there, believes something else was amiss, namely that officers mistook the mixed-race couple for a prostitute and one of her clients. Every couple, regardless of racial makeup, will hear this question countless times through the duration of their relationship.
The translation can often be read as: She is black and he is white. She would of course always come clean, after everyone enjoyed an awkward chuckle. Having been together over a decade, the idea rankles her that they can still walk into a room and be viewed as an oddity, but a same-race couple on a first or second date are viewed as though they obviously fit together. Despite all of the kumbaya anecdotes and data out there, such as the fact that mixed-race families are the fastest-growing demographic in America, there is not a single interracial couple I know who has been together for an extended period of time who has not experienced some awkwardness or indignity that same-race couples do not.
This was not the South in the s but New York in the s.
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It sounds like a blanket statement. However, it seems like almost daily I come across a news post, and columns in magazines and blogs dedicated to black folks, speaking about the glory of dating outside of the black community. And if they are not expounding on your personal choice on whom you date, than they are highlighting all the wonderful interracial couples in Hollywood. So yeah, excuse me if I generalize by saying that nobody talks more about interracial dating than black folks.
But while the topic has no doubt been beaten to death by the black media there are still no shortages of articles directed towards interracial relationships.
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For the curious you can check out Neurozone. Of all the many new and fascinating things I learnt in this training, one thing that really stood out for me is that the brain is wired to collaborate. The premise of this driver is the fact we are more creative, innovative and high performing in groups than we are on our own.
The evidence shows that an individuals intelligence g-factor is ALWAYS trumped by the collectives intelligence c-factor. For this reason, we need to work together to solve the myriad of problems we face as a species. And guess what pushes up the collective intelligence? But how are we supposed to do that comfortably in a world that can barely stand to see two people with different colour skins hugging?
How can we reach a point where mixed races, multi-cultural, inter-faith relationships are the norm rather than the exception? When will we reach the point that we embrace diversity instead of fearing it? Which leads me to the point of this article.